Benjamin Abbas, Mahmoud Trump and Donald J. Netanyahu Make Peace in the Middle East

אני לא “סמולני”, אני רק חושב כיהודי

I’m not a left-winger, I just bend and pick up what I find on my way

Simha Nyr, Adv.

 

Docudrama

An eight act play

©

All rights reserved

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On the docudrama:

“Docudrama is an artistic genre that uses known figures as a basis for artistic work. It combines, by nature of things, reality and imagination”.

(Israeli Supreme Court President, Aharon Barak, in HCJ 6126+6143/94, Giora Senesh et al vs. IBA et al).

The characters in this play are absolutely fantastic, and the use of real names or real events, including events related to the real names, is intended only for the sense of authenticity, and not for informational purposes.

Any resemblance between any character in this play and any real person is but in the imagination of the reader, and/or by the reader’s familiarity with another person.

This play should not be regarded as a documentation of any real event, but only a fictional drama, bound to artistic values.

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Benjamin Abbas, Mahmoud Trump and Donald J. Netanyahu Make Peace in the Middle East

Personae operandi (by order of entrance to stage for the first time):

SECRETARY TO MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY

FEMALE VOICE, THE WHITE HOUSE

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

ELAINE LAN CHAO, SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

MICHAEL RICHARD PENCE, VICE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SON-IN-LAW AND SENIOR ADVISOR TO DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

REPORTERS

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL

TV (JUDY WOODRUFF, PBS NEWS)

TV (ANDERSON COOPER, CNN NEWS)

NIMRATA “NIKKI” HALEY, UNITED STATES’ AMBASSADOR TO THE UNITED NATIONS

IVANKA MARIE TRUMP, DAUGHTER AND ASSISTANT TO DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

KELLYANN ELIZABETH CONWAY, COUNSELOR TO DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL

YARIV LEVIN, MINISTER OF TOURISM, THE STATE OF ISRAEL

SEAN MICHAEL SPICER, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY

TV (SHOWING THE SIMPSONS)

REX WAYNE TILLERSON, SECRETARY OF STATE, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

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Benjamin Abbas, Mahmoud Trump and Donald J. Netanyahu Make Peace in the Middle East

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Act I

Scene I

Office of the President, Palestinian National Authority, Ramallah, West Bank

Attending: Secretary to Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Female voice, the White House (by phone).

SECRETARY:

Abu Mazen, did you read Israel Hayom today?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Not yet. What tiding do they bring?

SECRETARY:

What is “tiding”?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

What is new in Bibi’s paper?

SECRETARY:

They say Mr. Trump wants to see you in Washington D.C.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Fake news!

Phone rings.

SECRETARY:

I think it’s for you.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Who calls me?

SECRETARY:

I don’t know.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

What number?

SECRETARY:

Seems to be an international call. Starting 001.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

United States …Who may call me?

Ring stops.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

If it isn’t a mistake, and if they really need me, and if they have any tiding, they will call again.

Phone rings again.

SECRETARY:

It’s the same.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

What area code?

SECRETARY:

What is “area”?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Show it to me … 202 … it’s D.C.

SECRETARY:

Maybe someone there wants a donation.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Ask them to call next month. We are out of budget.

Ring stops. Rings again.

SECRETARY:

Hello …who is speaking?

FEMALE VOICE:

It’s the White House.

SECRETARY:

It’s the White House.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Give it to me.

Scene II

Office of the President, Palestinian National Authority, Ramallah, West Bank

Attending: Secretary to Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Female voice, the White House (by phone); Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America (by phone); Elaine Lan Chao, Secretary of Transportation, United States of America (by phone); Michael Richard Pence, Vice President, United States of America (by phone).

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Hello! Who is speaking?

FEMALE VOICE:

Mr. Abbas?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

It’s I.

FEMALE VOICE:

Very good, excellent!

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

What’s excellent?

FEMALE VOICE:

You said “it’s I”, not “it’s me”.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

So what?

FEMALE VOICE:

In a previous play, by the same author, Bibi said “it’s me”. My Iranian counterpart told me.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Well, I learned English in the Israeli prison, Bibi did it in the United States. Vive la petite différence.

FEMALE VOICE:

President Trump wishes to speak with you.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

It’s a hoax! You read this fake news in Israel Hayom, and now you want to sell it to me …

FEMALE VOICE:

OK, I understand your fears, but this is your once-in-a-lifetime chance to make some peace with Israel. After the next elections you may have to deal with Bernie Sanders …

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Oy vey … OK, put him on the line.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Hello? Abu Mazen, it’s me, Donald. Donald J. Trump.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

How can I be sure that it isn’t a hoax?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

You can check me. Ask me a question that only us know the answer for it.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

OK, I’ll ask, though I’m already almost sure it’s you. What’s the internet suffix of the Palestinian Authority?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “suffix”?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

OK, Mr. Trump, now I know for sure I’m talking with you.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

That’s fine. I want to make peace between you and the Israelis.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I hear this story over and over again from all your predecessors: Barack Obama …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Leave him alone, he was the worst American president ever. He gave the Israelis $38Bn in military support for ten years. I didn’t give them even a worn-out penny, but I’m going to give them invaluable things nobody gave them, like eternal peace.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

George W. Bush …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Leave him alone, too. He led this country into bankruptcy. September Eleven was also in his watch.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bill Clinton … “killed himself to give the Palestinians a state”, but his presidency is already dead, and the Palestinian state is not yet alive.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Leave him alone. Not better than Obama.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

George H.W. Bush …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Leave him alone. Not better than his son.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Ronald Reagan …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

An actor …

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Jimmy Carter … Camp David …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Leave them alone, all of them. I have Mar-A-Lago, I don’t need any camp.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Well, how can I know that now it will be different, that you will not use me to gain popularity in Israel, and then leave me alone?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I don’t do such nasty things.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

You promised in your campaign to move the embassy to Jerusalem in your “first day in office”, but after two weeks in office you invited Bibi, as you invite me now, and manipulated him to “agree” that it is “not so simple”. You became an Israeli hero, though you gave the Israelis nothing but words-words-words.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I will not do it to you, believe me.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

There is another point, as we saw in the previous talks: the Israelis earned time, showed to the whole world that they are devout peace-seekers, and in the last minute they maneuvered us to look peace refusers.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It will not happen again, believe me.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

How can I rest assured that I don’t waste my time and fall again into Bibi’s trap?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

As you know me, I am the best negotiator in the world and I’m aware of your national aspirations. I’ll not let you return home empty-handed.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

OK…

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Anyway, this meeting is only with me, you have nothing to lose. Even the coffee is on me.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

The American coffee is disgusting, tastes like coal mined by your constituents in West Virginia. I’ll bring from home some kilos of real Arab coffee, to make sure you invite me over and over again.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “kilo”?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

About two-point-two pounds. We Palestinians are metric animals, and, for now, this is the only thing we and the Israelis have in common.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

OK, come and bring your coffee with you, and we’ll see what happens.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I have a modest request.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I hear.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I want to come with my train.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Just a minute, I have to consult my Secretary of Transportation, Elaine L. Chao.

(dials another phone) Elaine, it’s me, Donald. I’m speaking now with Mr. Abbas, the President of the Palestinian Authority. I’m inviting him to the White House, and he wants to come with his train. Is it implementable?

ELAINE LAN CHAO, ECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I fear it isn’t. We have no railways in D.C.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Thank you Elaine. (to Abbas): I fear it isn’t implementable. We have no railways in D.C.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

You misconstrued me.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “misconstrued”?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

You misinterpreted me.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “misinterpreted”?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

You misunderstood me. I want to come with my entourage.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I don’t understand French.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I want to bring my accompanying people: my First Lady, Amina, my sons Tarek and Yasser with their families, my advisors, reporters and others. About fifty people.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What about your son Mazen?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Donald, he passed away long ago.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’m sorry, nobody told me.

Anyway, we shall welcome them all, and bring coffee for all of them, too, if they also detest the American coffee.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I appreciate it very much, but I have a problem: I can’t afford the airfare for all of them. We are out of budget.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll find a solution for you. Just a minute. (dials another phone) Mike?

MICHAEL RICHARD PENCE, VICE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It’s me.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Mike, I need your Air Force Two for a couple of days. Twice to the Palestinian Authority and back.

MICHAEL RICHARD PENCE, VICE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It’s a problem. Karen needs it for shopping.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Don’t worry. I’ll give her my Air Force One. I don’t need it until next Thursday. No Mar-A-Lago this weekend.

MICHAEL RICHARD PENCE, VICE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

If you don’t need Air Force One, why would you take the poor man’s lamb?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It’s too expensive to use my plane for this purpose. In mileage it is 13.7 times more than from DC to Mar-A-Lago, let alone the cost per mile which is double for Air Force One, and I’m already grilled over this issue.

MICHAEL RICHARD PENCE, VICE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

If it’s so, I can use this festive occasion to fly there myself, and oversee …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Mike, not this time. I need you here, to help me repeal and replace Obamacare.

MICHAEL RICHARD PENCE, VICE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

OK, you have my plane. Ivanka knows where I hold the keys.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Thank you Mike. She also knows where I hold my keys. (to Abbas): This man speaks too much. Anyway, you have the logistics, to and fro. Don’t forget the coffee.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Thank you. I have one last question.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

You may ask.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

As you know, I am a Moslem, and most my people are Muslim. How can I rest assured that we shall not be arrested upon landing in your country?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

By no means! I have nothing against Moslems, many of my best friends are Moslems. Anyway, I’ll call them to let you in.

Act II

Scene I

The Oval Office, White House, Washington, D.C.

Attending: Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Jared Corey Kushner, son-in-law and senior advisor to Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Jared, I guess you know what we are up to, tomorrow.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I assume it’s something about Mr. Abbas, but I’m not sure. I watched the media while skiing, but I was sure it’s fake news, until I saw Sean Spicer announcing it. Upon hearing this news I immediately packed the equipment, and came here. Ivanka and the kids are waiting in the car, outside. You can watch them from the window.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Naughty boy, it’s the second time in a row that you go skiing and disappear exactly when I need you. I guess you know why I took you as my legally wedded senior advisor.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I know, but I have an irresistible desire for skiing, at least once per five days, on average. To be honest with the White House budget I update the accountant whenever I’m not coming to work. Ordnung muss sein.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Abu-Mazen will like you. He is well educated, speaks many languages, graduated from the Israeli prisons.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

When is he about to come here?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Tomorrow noon, sharp. Air Force Two is already on the way with him and his people.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What’s the agenda?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

That’s exactly your job to prepare, as my senior advisor for the Middle East affairs.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “middle”?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Frankly speaking, I don’t know exactly, but that’s your homework for today and tomorrow morning: to prepare our meeting with Abu-Mazen. As you remember I’m highly committed to bring peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians. In the campaign I said over and over again that it will be very easy.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll do everything to facilitate it.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “facilitate”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

To make it easy.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

That’s fine.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I just jump to bring Ivanka and the kids home, and then come back to work. I guess they are hungry and nervous. Yes, I hear them honking.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I stay here, watching Fake News. If you’ll need me, just come in.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll do so. Bye.

Scene II

Roosevelt Room, the White House, Washington, D.C.

Attending: Reporters; Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Thank you very much. Today I am pleased to welcome President Abbas to the White House for his first visit to Washington in quite a while.

Almost 24 years ago, it was on these grounds that President Abbas stood with a courageous peacemaker, then-Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin. Here at the White House, President Abbas signed a Declaration of Principles – very important – which laid the foundation for peace between the Israelis and Palestinians.

The President – Mr. President, you signed your name to the first Israeli-Palestinian peace agreement. You remember that well, right? And I want to support you in being the Palestinian leader who signs his name to the final and most important peace agreement that brings safety, stability, and prosperity to both peoples and to the region.

I’m committed to working with Israel and the Palestinians to reach an agreement. But any agreement cannot be imposed by the United States, or by any other nation. The Palestinians and Israelis must work together to reach an agreement that allows both peoples to live, worship, and thrive and prosper in peace. And I will do whatever is necessary to facilitate the agreement – to mediate, to arbitrate anything they’d like to do. But I would love to be a mediator or an arbitrator or a facilitator. And we will get this done.

Peace also means defeating ISIS and other terrorist groups. These groups are a threat to all people who cherish human life. I know President Abbas has spoken out against ISIS and other terrorist groups, and we must continue to build our partnership with the Palestinian security forces to counter and defeat terrorism.

I also applaud the Palestinian Authority’s continued security coordination with Israel. They get along unbelievably well. I had meetings, and at these meetings I was actually very impressed and somewhat surprised at how well they get along. They work together beautifully. But there cannot be lasting peace unless the Palestinian leaders speak in a unified voice against incitement to violate – and violence and hate. There’s such hatred. But hopefully there won’t be such hatred for very long. All children of God must be taught to value and respect human life, and condemn all of those who target the innocent.

As part of our efforts to move forward toward peace today, we will also discuss my administration’s effort to help unlock the potential of the Palestinian people through new economic opportunities.

Lastly, I want to note the positive ongoing partnership between the United States and the Palestinians on a range of issues – private sector development and job creation, regional security, counterterrorism, and the rule of law – all of which are essential to moving forward toward peace.

I welcome President Abbas here today as a demonstration of that partnership, that very special partnership that we all need to make it all work. And I look forward to welcoming him back as a great marker of progress and, ultimately, toward the signing of a document with the Israelis and with Israel toward peace. We want to create peace between Israel and the Palestinians. We will get it done. We will be working so hard to get it done. It’s been a long time, but we will be working diligently. And I think there’s a very, very good chance, and I think you feel the same way.

Mr. President, thank you very much.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. President, Your Excellency, I would like to thank you for this honorable invitation to come and meet with you, and I look much forward to working with you in order to come to that deal, to that historic agreement, historic deal to bring about peace.

Mr. President, our strategic option, our strategic choice is to bring about peace based on the vision of the two-state – a Palestinian state with its capital of East Jerusalem that lives in peace and stability with the state of Israel based on the borders of 1967.

Mr. President, for us to bring about a comprehensive and just peace based on the two-state solution, such matter would give a great impetus to the Arab peace initiative and the other initiatives, international initiatives – as well as it enables to fight and deter terrorism, and fight the criminal ISIS group, ISIS – that is totally innocent and has nothing to do with our noble religion. And that also, if we create peace that is just and comprehensive, that will also lead the Arab and the Islamic countries to have normal relations with Israel based, as stipulated in the previous Arab summits, the latest of which was the Arab summit in Jordan.

Mr. President, we believe that we are capable and able to bring about success to our efforts because, Mr. President, you have the determination and you have the desire to see it become to fruition and to become successful. And we, Mr. President, inshallah, God willing, we are coming into a new opportunity, a new horizon that would enable us to bring about peace in that regard.

Mr. President, as far as a permanent solution, we believe that this is possible and able to be resolved. I am firmly believing that this is possibly – we are able to resolve it. And in that, I also believe that we will be able to resolve the issue of the refugees and the issue of the prisoners. According to the international law, according to the terms of international law, the international legitimacy, and the various relevant references and terms of reference in that regard, and based on what is stipulated in the previous treaties and agreements, that no unilateral steps must be taken to get ahead of the agreement and discussing those issues.

Mr. President, it’s about time for Israel to end its occupation of our people and of our land after 50 years. We are the only remaining people in the world that still live under occupation. We are aspiring and want to achieve our freedom, our dignity, and our right to self-determination. And we also want for Israel to recognize the Palestinian state just as the Palestinian people recognize the state of Israel.

Mr. President, I affirm to you that we are raising our youth, our children, our grandchildren on a culture of peace. And we are endeavoring to bring about security, freedom and peace for our children to live like the other children in the world, along with the Israeli children in peace, freedom and security.

Mr. President, I bring with me today the message of the suffering of my people, as well as their aspiration and hope – the hopes and aspirations of the Palestinian people from the Holy Land, from that land where the three monotheist religions thrived, and the Jewish faith, the Christian faith and the Muslim faith, where they all coexist together to foster it in an environment of security, peace and stability, and love for all.

Mr. President, I believe that we are capable under your leadership and your stewardship to – your courageous stewardship and your wisdom, as well as your great negotiating ability, I believe, with the grace of God and with all of your effort – we believe that we can be partners, true partners, to you to bring about a historic peace treaty under your stewardship to bring about peace.

Now, Mr. President, with you we have hope.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

So we’re going to start a process. We’ve spoken to Bibi Netanyahu. We’ve spoken to many of the great Israeli leaders. We’ve spoken with many of your great representatives. Many of them are here today for lunch with us. We’ll start a process which hopefully will lead to peace. Over the course of my lifetime, I’ve always heard that perhaps the toughest deal to make is the deal between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Let’s see if we can prove them wrong. Okay?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Okay.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Good. Thank you. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you.

Scene III

The Oval Office, White House, Washington, D.C.

Attending: Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Jared Corey Kushner, son-in-law and senior advisor to Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Mr. President, let me introduce you to my son-in-law, Jared Kushner, who is also my top advisor on the Israeli-Palestinian peace process.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Nice to meet you.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Nice to meet you, too.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Mr. President, as you can understand, I’ve invited you to study your views about peace with Israel. Later this month I’ll meet with Bibi Netanyahu, too, and then we’ll have a meeting with both of you together, and we’ll see what happens.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Thank you, Mr. President. As we Palestinians see the issue, there are several theoretical solutions, out of which we prefer the two-state solution, which gives us an independent state of our own. Many nations, including you Americans, and the Israelis too, shed blood and sacrificed lives for this end, and we are not exceptional.

Anyway, since our desire for peace and for an end to bloodshed is the utmost, and since we know that politics is the art of the possible, we are ready to hear any other suggestion, provided it will give us a better alternative.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Like?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I’m not going to give Bibi ideas, because he is wise enough to invent them without me, but, just for example, if we are given, for every single Palestinian family, a two-story, ten-room, house, on a 100 dunam plot, plus one tractor, two cars and one truck …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “dunam”?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

One dunam equals 1,000 square meters, or, approximately, 0.247105381 acres, 1,195.99005 square yards or 10,763.9104 square feet, and, as I’ve already told you, we Palestinians are metric animals, and, for now, this is the only thing we and the Israelis have in common.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Thank you.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Back to my example, if we are given, for every single Palestinian family, a two-story, ten-room, house, on a 100 dunam plot, plus one tractor, two cars and one truck, I can bring it to our Barlaman, and it can accept it, reject it, or accept as an interim step towards full independence within a certain period of time.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I got it.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

As I said, there are several theoretical solutions, out of which we prefer the two-state solution, which gives us an independent state of our own.

There can be six theoretical solutions to the Israeli-Palestinian problem:

First –Throwing the Arabs to the desert;

Second – Throwing the Jews to the sea;

Third – Two states for two peoples;

Fourth – One state for two peoples with equal civil and political rights to Jews and Arabs, as well;

Fifth – The same, but without (or with limited) civil and political rights to the Arabs;

Sixth – No solution, which I’m sure you’ll not accept, because it means bye-bye to your re-election dreams, and for me it means the nuclear option.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Mr. President, listen to the advice of the greatest negotiator who has ever lived on earth: never offer, never promise, never threaten, if you can’t keep it. Otherwise you lose your credibility.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Abu-Mazen never loses his credibility!

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

But you haven’t nuclear capability, and no one will sell you nukes, not even the crazy Kim of North Korea. I just mention to you, if you have forgotten, that you can’t afford even the airfare to come here.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Google “Gorsuch” together with “nuclear option”, for a hint.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Jared, can you google it for me?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I don’t need to google it. I understand what he means.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What does he mean?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

OK, I understand, everyone understands, that in order to reach an agreement, let alone a peace agreement, each side must give something, not only take. What do you Palestinians have to offer?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

We have nothing to offer, except our used underpants, but Saraleh Netanyahu will not use them whatsoever. Only the Israelis have what to offer, but the question is whether they would.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What can we Americans contribute to this process?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

It’s for you to decide. You know what you have, and you know how President Trump is anxious to have this peace on his legacy.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

OK, I got it. Jared, do you wish to say anything?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Sure I do. Mr. Abbas, do you know what was your predecessor’s mistake of his life?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Yasser Arafat made many mistakes, but now he is dead.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

He is dead, but he still rules you from his grave.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

What was his mistake?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Do you remember that Prime Minister Ehud Barak offered to him in Jerusalem things that no other Israeli prime minister had ever offered to the Palestinians, and Mr. Arafat rejected it?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Yes, I remember. Yasser was right. He appreciated Barak’s generosity very much, but it was not enough for him, and he was right.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

That’s exactly the point: he didn’t think Jewish. He had to take it first, and then say rega-rega, I want more.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “rega-rega”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I think I’ve got the point.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It’s not the only story. In the last negotiations over the constructions in East Jerusalem you negotiated, and negotiated, and negotiated, and reached an agreement, and when it was all set, the Israelis said rega-rega, we want you to recognize Israel as the state of the Jewish people… and the rest is history.

The lesson is: first catch as you can, then say rega-rega.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It seems that we’ve covered all the points. For now, of course. Later this month I have a Mid-East tour, to meet with King Abdallah of Saudi Arabia, and then with King Hussein of Jordan.

Then I’ll meet with the Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, as a preparatory step towards a meeting with you and Bibi in the White House, and then we’ll see what happens.

It will be so easy to make peace between you and the Israelis!

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

When you meet with Mr. Netanyahu, I would like him to know that he has to decide beforehand whether he wants the meeting with pre-existing conditions, or without pre-existing conditions, but it should be mutual. The last thing I’ll agree to is meeting under a pre-existing condition that there will be no pre-existing conditions, and then Bibi will say rega-rega, I have this-and-this pre-existing conditions. It will not work this way.

Mr. Kushner, is it Jewish enough?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It seems so. It was nice to meet you.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

By the way, Mr. President, your coffee is excellent. I’ve never had such wonderful coffee in my entire life. I wish the Israelis also appreciate good Arab coffee.

(Shaking hands).

Act III

Scene I

Office of the President, Palestinian National Authority, Ramallah, West Bank

Attending: Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Secretary to Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Connect me please with King Salman of Saudi Arabia, and then with King Abdallah of Jordan. Not urgent.

SECRETARY:

I’ll do so after my coffee break.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Thank you.

Act IV

Scene I

VIP room, B.G. Airport, Tel Aviv, Israel

Attending: Reporters; Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister, the State of Israel; Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Ladies and gentlemen, today I have the honor of welcoming my friend, President Donald J. Trump, to Israel.

Mr. President, please.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I am honored to accept the invitation of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for my first visit to Israel as president, where we will emphasize the need to further strengthen the U.S.-Israeli partnership, which has been a great success for many years.

We will discuss a range of regional issues of mutual concern, including the need to counter the threats posed by Iran and its proxies, and by ISIS and by other terrorist groups. We will also discuss ways to advance a genuine and lasting peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians. I look forward to this wonderful and productive visit, starting right now.

With this visit, the United States again reaffirms our unbreakable bond with our cherished ally, Israel. The partnership between our two countries built on our shared values has advanced the cause of human freedom, dignity and peace. These are the building blocks of democracy.

The state of Israel is a symbol to the world of resilience in the face of oppression – I can think of no other state that’s gone through what they’ve gone – and of survival in the face of genocide. We will never forget what the Jewish people have endured.

Your perseverance in the face of hostility, your open democracy in the face of violence, and your success in the face of tall odds is truly inspirational. The security challenges faced by Israel are enormous, including the threat of Iran’s nuclear ambitions, which I’ve talked a lot about. One of the worst deals I’ve ever seen is the Iran deal. My administration has already imposed new sanctions on Iran, and I will do more to prevent Iran from ever developing – I mean ever – a nuclear weapon.

Our security assistance to Israel is currently at an all-time high, ensuring that Israel has the ability to defend itself from threats of which there are unfortunately many. Both of our countries will continue and grow. We have a long history of cooperation in the fight against terrorism and the fight against those who do not value human life. America and Israel are two nations that cherish the value of all human life.

This is one more reason why I reject unfair and one-sided actions against Israel at the United Nations – just treated Israel, in my opinion, very, very unfairly – or other international forums, as well as boycotts that target Israel. Our administration is committed to working with Israel and our common allies in the region towards greater security and stability. That includes working toward a peace agreement between Israel and the Palestinians. The United States will encourage a peace and, really, a great peace deal. We’ll be working on it very, very diligently. Very important to me also – something we want to do. But it is the parties themselves who must directly negotiate such an agreement. We’ll be beside them; we’ll be working with them.

As with any successful negotiation, both sides will have to make compromises. You know that, right?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Both sides.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I want the Israeli people to know that the United States stands with Israel in the struggle against terrorism. As you know, Mr. Prime Minister, our two nations will always condemn terrorist acts. Peace requires nations to uphold the dignity of human life and to be a voice for all of those who are endangered and forgotten.

Those are the ideals to which we all, and will always, aspire and commit. This will be the first of many productive meetings. And I, again, Mr. Prime Minister, thank you very much for having me with you today.

Mr. Prime Minister, thank you.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

President Trump, thank you for the truly warm hospitality you and Melania have shown me, my wife Sara, and our entire delegation, last February. I deeply value your friendship. To me, to the state of Israel, it was so clearly evident in the words you just spoke – Israel has no better ally than the United States. And I want to assure you, the United States has no better ally than Israel.

Our alliance has been remarkably strong, but under your leadership I’m confident it will get even stronger. I look forward to working with you to dramatically upgrade our alliance in every field – in security, in technology, in cyber and trade, and so many others. And I certainly welcome your forthright call to ensure that Israel is treated fairly in international forums, and that the slander and boycotts of Israel are resisted mightily by the power and moral position of the United States of America.

As you have said, our alliance is based on a deep bond of common values and common interests. And, increasingly, those values and interests are under attack by one malevolent force: radical Islamic terror. Mr. President, you’ve shown great clarity and courage in confronting this challenge head-on. You call for confronting Iran’s terrorist regime, preventing Iran from realizing this terrible deal into a nuclear arsenal. And you have said that the United States is committed to preventing Iran from getting nuclear weapons. You call for the defeat of ISIS. Under your leadership, I believe we can reverse the rising tide of radical Islam. And in this great task, as in so many others, Israel stands with you and I stand with you.

Mr. President, in rolling back militant Islam, we can seize an historic opportunity – because, for the first time in my lifetime, and for the first time in the life of my country, Arab countries in the region do not see Israel as an enemy, but, increasingly, as an ally. And I believe that under your leadership, this change in our region creates an unprecedented opportunity to strengthen security and advance peace.

Let us seize this moment together. Let us bolster security. Let us seek new avenues of peace. And let us bring the remarkable alliance between Israel and the United States to even greater heights.

Thank you. Thank you, Mr. President.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Thank you. Again, thank you.

Scene II

Prime Minister’s office, Jerusalem, Israel

Attending: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister, the State of Israel; Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Mr. President …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

You may call me Donald.

In our meeting, last February, in the White House, you pledged to do some homework, to shape your views about the Israeli-Palestinian peace, or “future relations”, by your definition.

Do you have anything new?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Sure I have, but first I want to share with you my views about the greater issues and imminent dangers, that hang over this region, and over the whole world.

Most imminent is the Iranian nuclear capability, that stems from the Iranian Deal, and is weeks away…

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’m going to repeal and replace it, it will be so easy, believe me. It will be quick and easy, and then we’ll see what happens.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Isis is a great danger to the free world.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It’s OK. I’ve already sent 100,000 troops to their strongholds. They will do a tremendous job. I’m going to completely exterminate Isis within ten days. It’ll be so easy, believe me.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Hezbollah …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

They are all in the same basket, don’t worry.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Syria … Look what the dictator Bashar el Assad does to his own people … mercilessly!

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I know, you know, all the world knows what I did to him … fifty nine Tomahawks, and it’s just the beginning, believe me. He will be dead, and his regime exterminated. Very soon, believe me.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

We spoke also about moving the American embassy to Jerusalem …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Yes, I’m still committed to do it, but I didn’t know, nobody knew, how complicated it will be. Next month I’ll meet with the leaders of the Arab world, and we’ll see what happens.

Now, what about the Israeli-Palestinian peace, or “future relations”, by your definition: Do you have anything new? Did you crystalize any feasible idea?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

We have many ideas, but the Palestinians don’t want peace, they don’t recognize Israel as the national home of the Jewish people, they want to destroy the State of Israel and throw all the Jews to the sea. They compete with each other about who will kill more Israelis. There is no partner among them to any peace negotiations. Maybe when they will have free democratic elections, there will be there someone to speak with.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Bibi, I spoke with Abu-Mazen, and I got quite a different impression. They are now ready to make significant concessions, but they have national aspirations, national dreams. You have a state of your own, so they also want a state of their own.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I’m sorry, I can’t do it. On the eve of the last elections I vowed that in my watch a Palestinian state will not rise. This promise gave me another four seats in the Knesset, at the expense of the Jewish Home party. I have to keep my word.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Bibi, don’t be a child, don’t be a Boy Scout. Look at me: I swore to repeal and replace Obamacare in my first day in office. I am now one hundred and twenty days in office, Trumpcare is still far away, but I’m still alive. I promised to deport eleven million illegal immigrants in my first hundred days, and I deported less than Obama did in one average day. I promised a comprehensive tax reform. I said that I’ll build a wall along the Mexican border at the Mexicans’ expense, and when it turned out that the Mexicans are not anxious to pay for it, I agreed to start the construction with the American tax dollars, but the Congress didn’t give even one penny, and I’m stranded with this unkept promise, too.

And you see, Bibi? I promised a lot, I kept nothing, and still my approval rating is higher than any American president ever.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Yes, but in America once you are elected, and you have control over the House and the Senate, you don’t need a coalition, and I need an ongoing consent of my coalition members.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Bibi, can you call new elections earlier than scheduled, and make new promises? Promise you voters eternal peace in your first day in office, and your voters will head to the polling stations in droves. Left-wing NGOs will bring them in buses. They’ll get out to vote, they’ll bring their friends and families, they’ll vote Likud in order to close the gap between you and the Labor party.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I’m scared to death even to think about such a scenario, with such election promises. The right-wingers will rejoice, the left-wingers will make a festival, and I’m out of business, forever expelled from the town, together with Saraleh and the kids.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Look, Bibi, we Americans are soon entering an election year for the mid-terms, and my approval rating is at all time low, lower than any American president ever. I need the peace between you and the Palestinians in order to raise my approval rating. Otherwise I lose the mid-term elections in 2018, and, subsequently, in the 2020 presidential elections, I’m forever expelled from D.C., together with Melania and the kids.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

So what can I do, Donald, for you and Melania, and the kids?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

In two weeks’ time we have a meeting with you and Abu-Mazen in the White House, and by then you have to find a creative solution, or we drown together.

Act V

The Oval Office, White House, Washington, D.C.

Attending: Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister, the State of Israel; Jared Corey Kushner, son-in-law and senior advisor to Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America.

Scene I

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Gentlemen, Mr. Abbas, Mr. Netanyahu, by alphabetical order, I welcome you both to the Oval Office.

As agreed upon by both of you in the preparatory talks with each of you, separately, this meeting is without any pre-existing condition. Who first?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I’ll do it.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Go on.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Netanyahu …

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You may call me Bibi.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

OK Bibi, how do you see the future relations between our two peoples? What can you offer to my people?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Thank you, Abu Mazen, for your question, a very good one. I’ll answer it in full, but let me first say a few background words over the Israeli-Palestinian dispute, in general.

I read yesterday that an American official said that if you ask five people what two states would look like, you’d get eight different answers. Mr. President …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

You may call me Donald.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

If you ask five Israelis what the two states would look like, you’d get 12 different answers.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, I came here not to hear how five Israelis see the issue, but how does their leadership see it.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I’ll not evade any question.

Anyway, rather than deal with labels, I want to deal with substance. It’s something I’ve hoped to do for years in a world that’s absolutely fixated on labels and not on substance. So here’s the substance: There are two prerequisites for peace that I laid out two years – several years ago, and they haven’t changed.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I think we have agreed that this meeting will take place under no pre-existing conditions.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I don’t pose pre-existing conditions, I speak about prerequisites only.

First, you Palestinians must recognize the Jewish state.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

In a two-state solution, it’s clear that the two states recognize each other. In any other arrangement we are not a state, and therefore cannot “recognize” any state. Anachnu lo funktsia.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Something in Hebrew, I’ll tell you later.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

It’s like expecting the Jewish yishuv, while under the British mandate on Palestine, to “recognize” Great Britain.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You have to stop calling for Israel’s destruction.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

We are not so stupid as to call for things that can’t be facilitated.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “facilitated”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You have to stop educating your people for Israel’s destruction.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

We give our people the same education you Jews gave your people under the British mandate on Palestine: lamut o lichbosh et ha’har!

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Something in Hebrew, I’ll tell you later.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, will you translate it into English for our noble host? Maybe in Yiddish it will sound even better.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I’ll do it later. Let me continue.

Second, in any peace agreement, Israel must retain the overriding security control over the entire area west of the Jordan River. Because …

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, you make a copy-paste of what you said in the White House last February. I read it in the White House website, www.whitehouse.gov, I know it by heart, and I know all your explanations od mi’kafrissin.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, you say “in any peace agreement”, but you don’t offer any peace agreement.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

It’s a matter for negotiation between the parties, without pre-existing conditions.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, we had enough “negotiations” that yielded nothing, but pursuant to your Law of Contracts (General Part), tashlag-1973, Section 1, “a contract is made by offer and acceptance”, not by negotiations, that start when the offeree’s acceptance includes any change, which makes it a new offer (Section 11 thereof).

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Where did you learn the Israeli law?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

In the Israeli prisons. I told Tsippi Livni the whole story during the last negotiations. Just google “Tsipi Livni and Mahmoud Abbas Talk Peace”, and you’ll find it.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

OK, let me finish what I have to say, and then I’ll offer you a peace agreement.

Now, unfortunately, you Palestinians vehemently reject both prerequisites for peace.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “vehemently”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, enough is enough! You tout over and over and over again your morbid and irresistible desire to sit at the table with us “without pre-existing conditions”, and prior to this meeting you reiterated your consent to meet without such conditions, and what are you doing now?

You try to sell us “prerequisites” instead of “pre-existing conditions”. Bibi, we are not idiots, and we are tired of your trickim, shtickim and foyle-shtickim!

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

And you know what, Bibi? Bring me a complete offer of a peace agreement, including all your requisites, pre-requisites, post-requisites, and all your existing conditions, pre-existing conditions and post-existing conditions, and we shall decide whether to accept it, reject it, or accept it subject to modifications.

I see your face, Bibi, you are scared to death!

You are afraid that we’ll accept your offer “as is”, and then you lose all the pretexts that pretend to “prove” that we Palestinians are peace-refusers.

You are also afraid to lose constituents to both the right-wingers and the left-wingers, and, consequently, have an end to Bibi and Saraleh’s kingdom.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

What style of speech is this, sir!!!

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

It isn’t a “style of speech”, but a cool projection, based upon some acquaintance with the personae operandi.

Anyway, Bibi, you may continue. As you know, we Arabs are never in a hurry, and I brought enough coffee for two thousand years, for all my people, all the staff here, including Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer, and, of course, all the people who came with you. I’m sure they will like coffee from home.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Where do you get it from?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mahane Yehuda market, the same store Saraleh gets it from.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

They get the same coffee at the same store.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I’m sorry, but I can’t wait two thousand years for the peace to come. I need it before the coming elections in Israel, in November 2019, and I assume that the incumbent president of the United States of America needs it before the mid-term elections here, in November 2018.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Sure he does.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

So, I’ll continue.

I said that, unfortunately, you Palestinians vehemently reject both prerequisites for peace.

First, you continue to call for Israel’s destruction – inside your schools, inside your mosques, inside your textbooks. One has to read it to believe it.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, suppose you are right about what we “call for” … just suppose, and suppose – just suppose! – that we stop calling for Israel’s destruction, and also stop all terrorist activity … what then? You get full peace, and we get nothing.

Bibi, anachnu lo frayerim!

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You even deny our historical connection to our homeland.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, show us one instance where we deny your historical connection to your homeland. Moreover, give us the timeline of Jewish and Arab presence in this land, and tell us please what do you say about someone who leaves his home for two thousand years, and then comes back and wants to expel the current residents from the house.

And you know what, Bibi?

You appointed a committee of three honorable right-wingers, two of them retired judges and one prominent lawyer (known as Edmond Levi Committee), in order to show that the State of Israel has the legal basis to claim sovereignty over this “homeland”, and look what they ruled about the West Bank:

“The State of Israel therefore had the full right to claim sovereignty over these territories, and this was the view of successive Israeli governments, but they chose not to annex them, but rather to adopt a pragmatic approach in order to facilitate peace negotiations with representatives of the Palestinian people and the Arab states”.

So, you allegedly had the “right to claim” – but you have never claimed. You “chose not to annex them, but rather to adopt a pragmatic approach in order to facilitate peace negotiations with representatives of the Palestinian people and the Arab states”, and now you want us to grant you a kosher certificate for a right you don’t even claim, and for annexation you don’t even dare to carry out.

Just remember: I was born in 1935 in Tsfat, a city which nobody denies has always been an Israeli city. Your Defense Minister, Avigdor Lieberman, was born in 1958 in the Soviet Union. Whose “homeland” is this? What right do you have to expel me from my homeland, and settle there someone whose homeland is far, far, away?!

But continue, Bibi, you are short in time, and the elections are knocking at your door.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

And I suppose you have to ask yourself: Why do – – why are Jews called Jews? Well, the Chinese are called Chinese because they come from China. The Japanese are called Japanese because they come from Japan. Well, Jews are called Jews because they come from Judea.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

And the Palestinians are called Palestinians because they come from the biblical Pleshet. See Genesis 21:32, Exodus 13:17, 1 Samuel 27:1, Joel 3:4. If you don’t trust me, you may ask your educator-in-chief, Naftali Bennett, where it is.

If you wish to have a better authority, you may find it in the Jewish Encyclopedia Daat, as follows:

In the conquest of the land, Philistia was not conquered by Joshua, and the land of the Philistines was not included in the Kingdom of Israel, as it is proven from the Scripture: “Solomon was ruler of all the kingdoms from the river (Euphrates) to the land of the Philistines and the border of Egypt” (1 Kings 5: 1). The “Philistine Provinces” were mentioned by him in the boundaries of the “remaining land” to inherit (Joshua 13: 2), and the “capture” of the coastal cities at the beginning of the period of the Judges by Judea (Judges 1:18) did not lead to their complete conquest.

So, you see, it’s not only that Judea does not help you – the opposite is true: Judea did not want to conquer the “Philistine Provinces”, definitely because he didn’t want this pain-in-the-ass.

And you know what, Bibi? If you insist on historical rights, let us make a land-swap: take Judea, and give us Pleshet!

And in this framework, if you agree, we shall give you an extra perk …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “perk”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

A bonus.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “bonus”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

An extra cookie, for sales promotion: if you want to sell the Trump Tower, and the potential buyer is not anxious to make the deal, you offer him a new Hyundai as a perk.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

OK, explain it to me later, and we’ll see what happens.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What perk do you offer to the Israelis?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Some scholars include Gaza Strip in the historical boundaries of Pleshet, but we agree to waive it, just because we are anxious to make peace, and for this sacred goal we are willing to make painful concessions.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

And if we accept this offer, you will say rega-rega, I have to consult my Barlaman, and they will say rega-rega, we want more …

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, unlike you Israelis, we Palestinians do our homework prior to any negotiations, we envisioned this question, and I have an irrevocable authorization to offer or accept any land-swap with Israel. Here is a verified copy of our Barlaman resolution, and a notarized translation thereof, into Hebrew and English.

By the way, Bibi, let me tell you some historical facts that you, as a son of a prominent historian, the late Benzion Netanyahu, should have known.

First, Jews (Yehudim) are called so not because they come from Judea, but because they are descendants of Yehuda, the fourth son of Jacob, and Jacob was also named Israel, because he defied the Lord.

Second, Yehuda and all the family left their homeland, without retaining any claim to return, just in order to improve their life quality, but four hundred years later, when the circumstances changed, they said rega-rega, we want to go back home.

Yet, that land had been already occupied and inhabited by others, and they, your ancestors, retook possession of it – neither by historical right to your forefathers’ land, nor by international law, nor by a U.N. resolution, but by sword.

Later on, in 1947, there was a U.N. resolution, and we Arabs were stupid to reject it, instead of accept it and then say rega-rega, we want more. Then you Jews took possession of whatever you could, not by that resolution, but, again, by sword.

In 1967, King Hussein of Jordan, by his stupidity, joined the war waged against you by Egypt and Syria, and gave you a just reason to occupy – again, by sword – our homeland, which you had never until then, and have never since then, claimed sovereignty over.

So, Bibi, why, for God’s sake, why don’t you annex the West Bank (preferably together with the Gaza Strip – ha-ha), make peace with yourselves, and render the terror to an internal homeland security issue?

Yes, I am aware that peace between the Jews and themselves is much-much harder to achieve than peace between Jews and others, but I’m pretty sure that for Mr. Donald J. Trump it will be “so easy”, and we’ll see what happens.

Continue, Bibi, continue.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

This is our ancestral homeland. Jews are not foreign colonialists in Judea.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

And this is our ancestral homeland too, Bibi. We are not guests in it, and we have no intention to be citizens class B in our ancestral homeland.

And let me remind you, Bibi, what you’ve said right now: “rather than deal with labels, I want to deal with substance”, and we are all waiting for your substantial “substance”.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

So, unfortunately, the Palestinians not only deny the past, they also poison the present.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, about the past I’ve already answered you right now, but, unfortunately, you Israelis not only deny the present, you also poison the future.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

They name public squares in honor of mass murderers who murdered Israelis, and I have to say also murdered Americans.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, you Israelis also name public squares and streets in honor of mass murderers who murdered others, and I have to say also murdered Jews. I wish you heard something about the “Sergeants Affair”: you hanged, without due process of law, two Jewish sergeants, British soldiers, whose only “crime” was their loyal service to their country.

I wish you heard also something about the demolition of the southwestern wing of King David Hotel, on July 22, 1946, by the Zionist paramilitary group Irgun – the same organization that murdered the two Jewish sergeants. You killed 91 people, at least 17 of them Jewish.

That’s exactly your Hottentot morality: if you kill me, it is a “struggle for independence”, but if I kill you it is “terrorism”. Enough, Bibi, enough. It makes me mildly nauseous.

By the way, if I were Menachem Begin I would have done the same things.

Honoring the fallen in the struggle for independence is a universal tradition in every country, including the United States of America – correct me if I’m wrong, Mr. President.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

You are not wrong.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Continue, Bibi, continue.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You fund – you pay monthly salaries to the families of murderers, like the family of the terrorist who killed Taylor Force, a wonderful young American, a West Point graduate, who was stabbed to death while visiting Israel.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, you Israelis don’t pay monthly salaries to the families of your fallen? Do you make any discrimination according to whom they killed before they fell?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

So this is the source of the conflict – the persistent Palestinian refusal to recognize the Jewish state in any boundary; this persistent rejection. That’s the reason we don’t have peace.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, the real source of the persistent conflict is the fact that in the Israeli public there is no majority for any solution to this conflict that can be a starting point to any peace negotiations.

Bibi, the real source of the persistent conflict is that even the Jewish Israelis can’t agree between themselves “to recognize the Jewish state in any boundary”.

Bibi, you spoke many times in favor of the two-state solution, but every time you are about to cross the Atlantic Ocean, you are threatened by Naftali Bennett that if the words “two states” get out of your lips, he and his party, Ha’Bayit Ha’Yehudi, immediately leave your government and your fragile coalition, and you are going to new elections.

Bibi, you are scared to death by this scenario!

You are scared to death by this scenario, because if you agree to the two-state solution, Boojie Hertzog will say “eventually Bibi follows my way”, and get from your constituents another fifteen seats in the Knesset, and, similarly, Bennett will say “I told you he will go on the two-state”, and get from your constituents another ten seats in the Knesset, and in the morning after the elections you find yourself with less Knesset members than Zehava Gal’on or Aryeh Der’ee will get.

So, for your own political reasons you can’t offer the two-state solution, but you don’t offer any other solution, either!

And you know, Bibi, why you can’t offer any other solution? It’s because all the Israelis who oppose the two-state solution oppose also the one-state solution!

So, Bibi, since you can’t offer any solution, you try to blame us for “persistent Palestinian refusal to recognize the Jewish state in any boundary”.

And you know what, Bibi? Give me five minutes to disprove your “thesis”.

Mr. President, shall we make a five-minute coffee break?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Sure, sure …

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Excuse me now (Leaves the room. Comes back).

Scene II

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. President, can you turn this TV on?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Sorry, I can’t. It is disused, black-and-white, from Richard Nixon’s time. Unfortunately the Congress doesn’t give me the budget to repeal and replace it, but I don’t care. I don’t need budget for fake news – I get them for free!

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I took into account such possibility, and I therefore brought from home this portable TV, which I use in picnics. I was pretty sure that we shall have a very long picnic here, and it turns out that I was right. What station shall I put on for breaking news?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Put PBS.

TV:

This is PBS, breaking news. The parliament of the Palestinian National Authority has right now decided:

First: To recognize the Jewish State of Israel in any boundary that will be agreed upon in a final comprehensive peace agreement.

Second: In any comprehensive peace agreement, the Palestinian National Authority agrees that Israel will retain the overriding security control over the entire area west of the Jordan River.

Third: Upon signing of any comprehensive peace agreement, the Palestinian National Authority will gladly welcome the moving of the American embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

In a statement issued by the Palestinian Prime Minister, Mr. Rami Hamdallah, it was announced that this decision of good will is made in order to catalyze the peace process, not to let the Israelis drag their feet. Therefore the Israelis will have to submit, within 24 hours, their guidelines to the peace agreement, and within another seven days they will have to offer a comprehensive peace agreement. Failing to do so will automatically void this decision, without any further notice.

In order to remove any doubt, Mr. Hamdallah says, the expiration of this resolution will not prevent Israel from offering any peace agreement, at any time, an act which the Palestinian National Authority will always welcome.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Fake news. Gwen Ifill is dead.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Donald, this is Judy Woodruff, not Gwen.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Judy, Gwen, it’s fake news.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

We can try CNN, maybe Anderson Cooper is also dead.

TV:

This is CNN, breaking news. The parliament of the Palestinian National Authority has right now decided:

First: To recognize the Jewish State of Israel in any boundary that will be agreed upon in a final comprehensive peace agreement.

Second: In any comprehensive peace agreement, the Palestinian National Authority agrees that Israel will retain the overriding security control over the entire area west of the Jordan River.

Third: Upon signing of any comprehensive peace agreement, the Palestinian National Authority will gladly welcome the moving of the American embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

In a statement issued by the Palestinian Prime Minister, Mr. Rami Hamdallah, it was announced that this decision of good will is made in order to catalyze the peace process, not to let the Israelis drag their feet. Therefore the Israelis will have to submit, within 24 hours, their guidelines to the peace agreement, and within another seven days they will have to offer a peace agreement. Failing to do so will automatically void this decision, without any further notice.

In order to remove any doubt, Mr. Hamdallah says, the expiration of this resolution will not prevent Israel from offering any peace agreement, at any time, an act which the Palestinian National Authority will always welcome.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Anderson is alive, but it is fake news. Believe me.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Shall I put on Fox News?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It doesn’t matter, all the media are the same. I’m going to issue an executive order to stop fake news, and make the media responsible.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. President, you may call your ambassador in Tel-Aviv, Mr. David Melech Friedman, to verify this news. If the Congress doesn’t budget you for long-distance calls, here is my cellphone: The contribution of the Palestinian people to the nation with the greatest national debt per-capita in the whole world.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It will not be so by the end of my watch, believe me. I will shrink this debt to zero, it will be so easy. Anyway, I’m budgeted for long-distance calls, and I’m doing it right now. (dials) David? It’s Donald. Did you hear the breaking news? You got it by email? Do you trust it? Not fake news? OK, forward it to me, I’m waiting.

Gentlemen, it’s true. Bibi, what do you say now?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I know them. It’s true, but it’s only lip-service.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

You see, Mr. President? If we don’t give them this declaration, we are peace-refusers, if we do give them this declaration – it is only “lip-service”. We give them much more than the two prerequisites that they ask, we give them something they don’t even dream to have, and yet – how surprising – Bibi says it is only “lip-service”.

Continue, Bibi, continue. You have now less than 24 hours to decide what you want to do when you grow up.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Abu-Mazen, is it a threat?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

No, Bibi, it is not a threat, it is never too late to offer peace, but if you don’t do it in this lapse of time you’ll have to find new pretexts for your foot-dragging. Now continue with your barren speech, because Air Force Two is already warming the engines.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Now, that has to change. I want it to change. Not only have I not abandoned these two prerequisites of peace; they’ve become even more important because of the rising tide of fanaticism that has swept the Middle East and has also, unfortunately, infected Palestinian society.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, I’ve already answered you about your “prerequisites”, but I’ll add something: it’s not only that you want them for free, but if you get them you will say rega-rega, we have more prerequisites.

And about the “fanaticism that has infected Palestinian society”, let me remind you what you said to your constituents on the last election day, in a video posted on your Facebook page. Quote: The right-wing government is in danger. Arab voters are heading to the polling stations in droves. Left-wing NGOs are bringing them in buses. Get out to vote, bring your friends and family, vote for Likud in order to close the gap between us and the Labor party. Unquote.

Bibi, look at the mirror to see who is “infected” with “fanaticism”. Bibi, you are racist, you hate the Arabs. Bibi, you don’t want peace, you want only one thing: to win the next elections, and the next to the next, et cetera, in order to perpetuate your kingdom: The Kingdom of Benjamin the First.

Look, Bibi, one of your key coalition members, Knesset Deputy Speaker Bezalel Smotrich, speaks of his “ultimate plan to hack all the Palestinian national hopes”, according to which the Palestinians will have “three options: First – to leave the country; Second – to live in the country as ‘alien residents’; Third – to resist”…

What will happen if they resist? “the IDF will know what to do”, thus spoke Smotrich. Do you mean killing families, women and children? Smotrich’s answer: “In a war like in a war”.

And you know what, Bibi? The rule ve’cha’asher ye’anu oto, ken yirbe ve’chen yifrots (Exodus 1, 12), …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Frankly speaking, I don’t know. I didn’t serve time in the Israeli prisons, and if you are born a Jew you don’t have to learn such things. Maybe Ivanka knows.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I said that the rule ve’cha’asher ye’anu oto, ken yirbe ve’chen yifrots, applies not only to Jews but to all human beings, and though we Arabs are heading to the polling stations in droves, and your constituents have different views, we Arabs are also included in this species.

Continue, Bibi, continue with your overflowing irresistible desire for peace with the people you and your colleagues hate, despise and despize.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

So I want this to change. I want those two prerequisites of peace – substance, not labels – I want them reinstated. But if anyone believes that I, as Prime Minister of Israel, responsible for the security of my country, would blindly walk into a Palestinian terrorist state that seeks the destruction of my country, they’re gravely mistaken.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi, even in Israel you don’t “blindly walk” anywhere. You are the most bodyguarded person in the whole world. You are more bodyguarded than all the U.S. presidents ever, combined. You are surrounded by a battalion of bodyguards even in your office, even when you go to the toilets.

Just a reminder for your short memory: the Israeli Prime Minister Itshak Rabin was murdered not by an Arab terrorist, but by a Jewish terrorist, a religious Jewish terrorist – Yigal Amir. And why was he murdered? For his persistent striving for peace.

Bibi, you reiterate over and over and over again your brainwashing slogan “substance, not labels”, but every single sentence of yours, every single word, is nothing but labels, labels, labels. And labels.

No substance, Bibi, no substance!

Take, for instance, your last sentence, and count the labels: “change”, “prerequisites of peace”, “reinstated”, “responsible”, “blindly walk”, “terrorist state”, “destruction”, “gravely mistaken”.

Scroll back, Bibi, you’ll find in your lengthy speech more labels than words, but where is the “substance”? Where is a substantial offer of peace agreement, or, at least, substantial guidelines that you and Naftali Bennett agree upon?

Bibi, all the Israelis are fed up with you, because your sole irresistible desire is to remain in power. All your party members are fed up with you. Why do they vote for you over and over again? It’s because your demagoguery, exploiting the hatred for the Arabs, and enhancing it more and more, like a snowball.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

The two prerequisites of peace – recognition of the Jewish state, and Israel’s security needs west of the Jordan – they remain pertinent. We have to look for new ways, new ideas on how to reinstate them and how to move peace forward. And I believe that the great opportunity for peace comes from a regional approach from involving our newfound Arab partners in the pursuit of a broader peace and peace with the Palestinians.

I’ve finished, thank you.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Abu-Mazen, I assume you have some words too.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Sure, sure, but first I’ll answer Bibi’s finale.

Bibi, you say “we have to look for new ways, new ideas on how to move peace forward” – yes, we have to look for … but what do you look for? You look for headlines in the media and, as I’ve already stated, for your next elections.

You say that you “believe that the great opportunity for peace comes from a regional approach from involving our newfound Arab partners in the pursuit of a broader peace and peace with the Palestinians” – excuse me, I learned very good English in the Israeli prison, but I didn’t understand even one word in the context of this serpentine sentence. Did you, Mr. President? Did you, Jared?

Bibi, you speak about “Israel’s security needs”, but let me remind you of the immortal question posed by the late Egyptian Foreign Minister, Mr. Ismail Fahmy, to Israel’s Foreign Minister in the Geneva Conference, subsequent to the Yom Kippur War.

Mr. Fahmy asked your Foreign Minister: “Security for whom, Mr. Eban”, and I, humbly, ask you the same question: Security for whom, Mr. Netanyahu?

You Israelis have the strongest military in the Middle East, you have one of the strongest air forces in the whole world, you have two hundred nuclear bombs, you have the best intelligence services, you have armory, artillery, infantry, navy, you have Sayyeret Matcal, you have Galey Tsahal and Galgaley Tsahal and you have Gadna – and you still cry security, security and security!

And what “security” do we have?

You steal our lands, homes, roads under false “security” pretexts, your soldiers shoot innocent children, men and women who bear no arms …

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

No such animal!

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

No such animal, Bibi? Are you really blind, or just willfully blind?!

There are several organizations of good Israelis, not fake Jews – most of them are high-ranking military officers, still called to the reserves service – monitoring the behavior of your soldiers in the west bank, and providing you with all their findings.

And you, what are you doing with their findings?

Instead of blessing them and thanking them, you denounce them as “traitors” … they ask to appear in your schools, to give the students good education, but you don’t let them in, and in your chutspah you cry havoc over the education in our schools …

And who is your glorious educator-in-chief? Your Minister of Education, Major (res.) Naftali Bennett, who holds you now by the balls!

Bibi, do you know why the Israelis finish quickly? Because they run to tell everybody. You’ve finished slowly, but I see you running to the media. Wait a little bit Bibi, because I also have something to say.

As I explained to President Trump in our preparatory meeting, here, we Palestinians see several theoretical solutions to the conflict, out of which, of course, we prefer the two-state solution, which gives us an independent state of our own. Many nations, including you Americans, and the Israelis too, shed blood and sacrificed lives for this end, and we are not exceptional.

Anyway, since our desire for peace and for an end to bloodshed is the utmost, and since we know that politics is the art of the possible, we are ready to hear any other suggestion, provided it will give us a better alternative. We are much-much more flexible than you can imagine.

In general, there can be six theoretical solutions to the Israeli-Palestinian problem:

First –Throwing the Arabs to the desert;

Second – Throwing the Jews to the sea;

Third – Two states for two peoples;

Fourth – One state for two peoples with equal civil and political rights to Jews and Arabs, as well;

Fifth – The same, but without (or with limited) civil and political rights to the Arabs;

Sixth – No solution.

Benjamin Netanyahu, in your “Bar Ilan Speech”, in 2009, you advocated the two-state solution. On the eve of the 2015 elections in Israel you promised that “if you are elected, a Palestinian state will not rise”, and just recently, December 2016, in an interview on CBS’s “60 Minutes” program, you said that you “still” support the establishment of a Palestinian state alongside Israel. You said that you “would be happy” if President Trump, when he enters the White House, helps you to work on the “Two states for two peoples” solution.

Correct me if I’m wrong, and tell us here what is your current position, and how long you will hold it.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

In politics one must be flexible, according to the changing circumstances. Moshe Dayan used to change his mind three times a day. I am more consistent, I change only once per several years. In the current constellation I prefer the two-state solution, and I don’t see any change in my mind in the foreseeable future.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

What about Bennett?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

It’ll be OK, my word.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Tarbut ha’smokh?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I said it’ll be OK, rely on me.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Look Bibi, I rely on your honesty, but neither of us can be responsible to others’ mind. How soon can you get a Knesset resolution that authorizes you to negotiate the two-state solution, and prepare an offer of a peace agreement, that includes all your requisites, pre-requisites, post-requisites, and all your existing conditions, pre-existing conditions and post-existing conditions, and preferably also some cookies for the Palestinian people?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Three to six months, or so.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Bibi, it can’t work this way. We are on the verge of an election year in the United States, my approval rating, which was on the rise after Syria, is now sharply declining, because of Trumpcare. If the Republican Party falls in the mid-term elections, I can forget about repeal and replace Obamacare, and about being reelected in 2020. I can’t afford it. I need this peace agreement more than both of you gentlemen need it. For you it’s just bloodshed, which both of you are accustomed to, but for me it’s losing the presidency, which I’m not accustomed to.

Bibi, I want your answer within seven days, and then we’ll see what happens.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

It’ll be OK.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Gentlemen, before we close this session, I want to present to you the contribution of the American people to the peace in the Middle East, which is a sheer American interest.

As you know, in America money speaks louder than values, and every value can be weighted in terms of money, which, as you know, makes the world go round.

We, the people of the United States, want to give each of you, for the welfare and prosperity of your respective peoples, a certain sum of money, which will be dispensed to you starting upon the signing of the agreement at the White House, and then gradually, according to the implementation of the peace arrangements.

Let me be crystal clear: no peace – no money, not even a worn-out penny.

Let me be even clearer: if one of you agrees to the deal, and the other says “it isn’t a matter of money, we don’t merchandize values”, or just stays away from this generous offer – the former gets a quarter of his due without doing anything, and the latter gets nothing.

I make this offer in order to force you to sit together, and make the best agreement for your peoples.

I don’t set any time limit, because it is in your interest to get the money. I myself, frankly speaking, still have some dimes left from my previous business.

I’ll negotiate the sums of money with each of you separately, and then we’ll see what happens. Thank you so much.

Act VI

Scene I

The Oval Office, White House, Washington, D.C.

Attending: Nimrata “Nikki” Haley, United States’ Ambassador to the United Nations; Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America.

NIMRATA “NIKKI” HALEY, UNITED STATES’ AMBASSADOR TO THE UNITED NATIONS:

Mr. President, the Security Council is about to vote on an anti-Israeli resolution that denounces Israel as an “occupier” in the West Bank and the Gaza Strip, declares the settlements as an “obstacle to peace” and the IDF soldiers as “worse than the Nazis”, and calls for an international interference in the situation in those areas.

What shall we do? What am I supposed to say, and how do I have to vote?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Nikki, when is it scheduled to take place?

NIMRATA “NIKKI” HALEY, UNITED STATES’ AMBASSADOR TO THE UNITED NATIONS:

In ten days’ time.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

In the last meeting here, Mr. Netanyahu promised me an answer within seven days, and we are more than seven months since then. I’ll call for an urgent meeting this week, and then we’ll see what happens.

Act VII

The Oval Office, White House, Washington, D.C.

Attending: Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister, the State of Israel; Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Jared Corey Kushner, son-in-law and senior advisor to Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America.

Scene I

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Gentlemen, Mr. Abbas, Mr. Netanyahu, welcome back to the Oval Office. I want to start with you, Benjamin.

Bibi, more than seven months ago we concluded that within seven days you’ll bring us a Knesset resolution that authorizes you to negotiate the two-state solution, and an offer of a peace agreement, and what happened since then? Me and Mr. Abbas are waiting, and waiting, and waiting …

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

This was actually my real intention, but I had tough negotiations with Bennett right from the first day, and every consecutive day thereafter, excluding Sabbaths and Jewish holidays, because Naftali is a religious Jew.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

You could remind him that pikuach nefesh doche Shabbat. You could negotiate with Ayyelet Shaked, too, and anyway, even if you originally meant seven net business days two weeks were much more than enough. You drag your feet, Mr. Netanyahu!

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It’s not only a matter of feet dragging, but also a matter of credibility. As you remember, I vowed to run my job like running a business, and in politics like in business, one must retain one’s credibility. You needed more time – you could call me and say Donald, I need more time. You could call Abu-Mazen asking his consent to a time extension. We could agree, we could disagree, but you should behave responsibly.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I deeply regret this delay, but it has never been my intention. Unfortunately I had difficulties with Bennett, and in every day it seemed to me that tomorrow is another day, but, as one says, tomorrow never comes.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

So how do we continue? How much time do you need now, gross or net?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I fear it can’t be done, now. It seems more likely after the elections in Israel, November 2019. Maybe then we shall have another political constellation in Israel, and we’ll see what happens.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Bibi, you have to pay me for using the phrase “we’ll see what happens”. Its copyright is privately owned.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Do you accept Israeli credit cards?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

For now I still do, but we’ll negotiate it in private, after this meeting.

Bibi, as I told you, I have mid-term elections in November 2018, and we are already deep into the election year. If by then we don’t have peace in the Middle East, we Republicans lose the House and the Senate, and in 2020 I lose the presidential elections, and you’ll have to deal with Bernie Sanders.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Oy vey!

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

So what do you suggest now?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Give me another one month, and then we’ll see.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Abu-Mazen, what do you say?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

It’s for you to decide, because you are facing an election year, not I, but if you ask me, I would agree to give them a limited time extension, provided that that we break this meeting now, continue tomorrow noon, sharp, provided that Mr. Bennett and Mr. Yariv Levin will attend, too, provided that the meeting tomorrow will be open to the press, and provided that Mike Pence doesn’t need the Air Force Two for an additional day.

If Mr. Bennett and Mr. Levin have no budget for this trip, I’ll give them each a one way ticket from my own pocket, and…

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

If you want them to leave Israel and never come back, it’s a very good idea, especially regarding Naftali.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

No, Bibi, I’m not as sophisticated as you think, and not as evil as you are. Naftali and Yariv will be my most honorable guests on our way back in Air Force Two. Two persons of my entourage stay in the United States, so we have two seats available for them.

As you know, Bibi, we Arabs know a thing or two about good hospitality.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I appreciate very much your gesture, but both of them are now attending the AIPAC conference, at the Walter E. Washington Convention Center located at 801 Mt Vernon Place Washington, DC – 1.2 miles away from here. I assume they can’t leave the convention today, but tomorrow they will come, whether they like it or not, and I’m pretty sure they will like it very much. They are very fond of hearing themselves, especially about the two-state solution.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

You got my point.

Act VIII

Roosevelt room, White House, Washington, D.C.

Attending: Reporters; Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister, the State of Israel; Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Jared Corey Kushner, son-in-law and senior advisor to Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Ivanka Marie Trump, daughter and assistant to Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Kellyann Elizabeth Conway, counselor to Donald J. Trump, President, United States of America; Sean Michael Spicer, White House Press Secretary; Naftali Bennett, Minister of Education and Minister of Diaspora Affairs, the State of Israel (comes later); Yariv Levin, Minister of Tourism, the State of Israel (comes later); Rex Wayne Tillerson, Secretary of State, United States of America (comes later).

Scene I

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Abbas, Mr. Netanyahu, reporters, welcome all of you.

Bibi, where are Mr. Bennett and Mr. Levin?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I’ve got a call from them, right now. They got stuck in traffic, but they are on their way here.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

No problem. I have no election year impending, and I’ve already announced that I’m not running for re-election. I have enough coffee, and I can wait.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

(Storming in together with Yariv Levin) I apologize, We got stuck in traffic.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Hi Naftali, hi Yariv.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Welcome Mr. Bennett. Welcome Mr. Levin.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You may call me Naftali.

YARIV LEVIN, MINISTER OF TOURISM, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You may call me Yariv.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Welcome Naftali. Welcome Yariv. Bibi, you asked a time extension. Why should we give you this extension?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I’ve already explained my difficulties, but now you can hear the source: Mr. Bennett, the leader of The Jewish Home party, and Mr. Levin, a member of my party, Likud – both are senior members of my cabinet. Naftali, say something.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Mr. President Donald Trump, thank you, Mr. President Mahmoud Abbas, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson …

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Mr. Tillerson has not yet arrived. Maybe he is also stuck in traffic.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Ms. Ivanka and Mr. Jared Kushner, Ms. Kellyanne Conway, Mr. Sean Spicer, my longtime friend Bibi Netanyahu, ladies and gentlemen.

The two-state solution is a messianic solution.

I call for a Marshall Plan to enhance autonomy in PA-controlled areas.

Continuing to push for a two-state solution to the Israeli- Palestinian conflict is “messianic behavior,” at a time when what is needed is “opening our thoughts” to new diplomatic approaches.

One thing I don’t want to see is a “second Palestinian state”.

I do not believe in a second Palestinian state beyond what we have in Gaza.

The four central trappings of statehood are clear borders, an effective governing body, military power and foreign relations.

Gaza has three-and-a half of those four criteria. The Palestinian Authority does not lack clear borders and an effective government.

So rather than establish a second Palestinian state between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea, I propose gradually ending military rule in Area C, which is under full Israeli control, applying Israeli law and offering full Israeli citizenship to the 80,000 Palestinians living there. I want to start by incorporating Ma’aleh Adumim into Israel.

The guiding principle behind my plan is to incorporate into Israel 100% of the Jews in Judea and Samaria, while minimizing the number of Palestinians that would be drawn into Israel’s borders. A country of more than eight million people is not endangered demographically by granting citizenship to 80,000 people, which would account for less than 1%.

Along with extending Israeli law to Area C, I want to significantly strengthen Palestinian autonomy in Areas A and B, which are under full or partial Palestinian control. This would be less than a state, but it would still be a lot. They would have a central government with elections, if they so choose.

Under this plan, the Palestinians would effectively manage their own lives: pay their own taxes; handle their own education; collect their own garbage.

I envision a situation where there would be complete freedom of movement, without roadblocks.

Borrowing the name of US efforts to rebuild Western Europe after World War II, this would be accompanied by what I describe as a “Marshall Plan” for the PA: massive economic investment in the infrastructure in the areas, including a land port in Jenin with connection to Haifa, a significant upgrade of roads and a free tourist zone connecting Nazareth with Nablus, Jerusalem and Bethlehem.

Still, this area would be less than a state, because it would be demilitarized. And secondly, it would not be able to accept into its territories six million descendants of Palestinian refugees, because those refugees would inevitably demand to be settled not in Jenin and Nablus, but to go “home” to pre-1948 Israel.

This plan is more realistic than the current talk of a two-state solution, because the failure of the diplomatic process over the past 23 years – since the Oslo Accords – has shown that there is no deal to be made, and that the most an Israeli government is willing to offer does not meet the Palestinians’ minimal requirements.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Yariv, do you wish to add anything?

YARIV LEVIN, MINISTER OF TOURISM, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Sure I do.

Mr. President, I fear your illusions about renewing the political process will soon dissipate, and eventually you and your administration will also discover, like all the administrations before it, that there is no partner on the other side, that the Palestinians do not want peace, that even if they want, they cannot reach it, and that their way is a path of lies, deceit and encouragement of terror.

I just hope that when this administration finds out this truth – and it probably will not take long – it will not choose the way the previous administration chose – to blame Israel for stalling the peace process.

Mr. President, I bless you and praise you for the dramatic change in the basic approach to our construction activities in Jerusalem, and for the understanding that even our current massive construction are not contrary to the American policy.

Mr. President, I understand that you are still in the process of crystallizing your policy. There are things that are definitely changing for the better – the absolute backing we receive from international institutions, your different approach to the issue of terrorism, and the fact that you enter this process at the very beginning of your presidency – unlike the experience we had with the previous president.

Mr. President, I am glad that the range of agreement between us is wider than before. Take, for instance, the fact that you don’t place the issue of the two-state solution as an ideal that should bend everything else, together with statements of your ambassador to the UN, Nikky Haley – they are big and very significant things that I would not underestimate at all.

However, there are things that we would expect to do differently: first and foremost – the issue of transferring the American embassy to Jerusalem. You made an explicit commitment and our natural expectation is that it will be fulfilled, and not only a symbolic act of transferring the embassy, but a clear political approach that creates an equation that tells the Palestinians for the first time that time is playing against them and not for their own benefit.

Such a policy could have been based on the move of the embassy, and I fear that if the move does not take place, the policy will also be lost, and this will be a very big mistake.

Like many of my cabinet colleagues, I believe that there is no point in talking about two states, and I think that we should invest in economic measures.

There is definitely something to talk regarding economic steps. We have an interest in Palestinian economic prosperity, but they themselves don’t do anything in that direction.

One of the illusions that the world increasingly recovers from is that the Palestinians can be economically elsewhere without realizing that they have to do something about it. The whole system that contributes money to them, causes the money to be thrown into the sea.

However, there are things we can agree to, and there are things we can’t agree to, like freezing the construction in Jerusalem.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, what do you give us more than the British Mandate gave you Jews? They also, in their kindness and generosity let you “collect your garbage”.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

This is what we can afford to give. We the Jews didn’t endanger the very existence of Great Britain. You do endanger Israel’s.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, are you serious? You Israelis have the strongest military in the Middle East, you have one of the strongest air forces in the whole world, you have two hundred nuclear bombs, you have the best intelligence services, you have armory, artillery, infantry, navy, you have Sayyeret Matcal, you have Galey Tsahal and Galgaley Tsahal and you have Gadna – and yet you are afraid that we, the poorest people in the Middle East, endanger you. Is the State of Israel so fragile that we can endanger its very existence?

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You are terrorists.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, be serious. Didn’t you carry out terrorist activities against the British? King David hotel, The Bridges Night, the Sergeants Affair – don’t you teach these events in your education system, that you are the minister in charge of?

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

We were freedom fighters, not terrorists.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, you offer us even less than the British Mandate gave you. The British didn’t build settlements in order to annex them to Great Britain – you do.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

This land is not their forefathers’ land.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, the Falkland Islands are also not their forefathers’ land, yet they settled there and still they claim sovereignty over the Falklands, similarly to what you claim over the West Bank.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

We are not responsible for what the British did, or didn’t do, in the Falkland Islands. We are not conquerors in our forefathers’ land. We are returning to our homeland, not occupying it.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, suppose a certain ethnic group comes and shows, by DNA samples …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “DNA”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later. It has nothing to do with the Democrats.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Suppose a certain ethnic group comes and shows, by DNA samples, that they are the descendants of the inhabitants of old Jericho, five thousand years before Abraham, your forefather?

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

This land was promised to us by God.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, if this ethnic group shows their holy scriptures, which prove that their god had promised that land to them five thousand years before your god didn’t even exist? Can a new god come out-of-the-blue and “sell” a land promised to others by an incumbent god?

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

There is only one God, and He reigned over the Universe from the Genesis, even before the Big Bang …

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is the “Big Bang”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later. It has nothing to do with the American Indians or African Americans.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I reiterate: there is only one God, and He reigned over the Universe from the Genesis, even before the Big Bang, and if the ancient inhabitants of Jericho did exist, they were no more than trespassers, or, at most, permittees, not owners.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, as graduate from the Hebrew University Law School, can you tell us what does the ruling of your Supreme Court say about the collision between the religious law and the secular law?

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Frankly speaking, I don’t know, since I have never practiced law after my graduation. I have to consult Ayelet Shaked, my Minister of Justice.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, according to your holy Bible, Genesis 15, 18, the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying, “To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the river Euphrates”.

Why don’t you annex, or, in your laundered language, “incorporate into Israel”, all the areas between those two rivers?

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Thank you for this question. It will happen by God’s will, when He will find it fit. Inshallah, as you say in Arabic.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, you envision a “Marshall Plan for the PA”: massive economic investment in the infrastructure in the areas, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera …

Can you tell us who will give the money for your envisioned “massive economic investment”? Will it be funded by the Israeli taxpayer, by your God, or, maybe, is it a new version of “Shulman yeshalem”?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I’ll tell you later.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

The international community will gladly pay.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Who is “the international community” – Micronesia, North Korea? Iran? Mr. President, did you bring your checkbook today?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “checkbook”?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It’s for Mr. Bennett’s “massive economic investment in the infrastructure in the West Bank”. It involves money.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I don’t have enough money even for a new tape recorder in the Oval Office. I would rather spend this money on new F-35’s for the dwindled Air Force and the Navy, or send another 500,000 troops to Afghanistan. I promised to make America great again.

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Saying “the international community” I mean mainly the United Nations, but I’m sure that Saudi Arabia and the other oil-producing Arab countries will gladly donate to the welfare of their Palestinian brethren.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

The welfare of the Palestinians means, above all, an independent state of their own, and no Arab country will give a damn worn-out penny for a hallucinatory plan that denies the aspirations of the Palestinians for a national home of their own.

Mr. Bennett, do you have a Plan B, for a case that the international community will not raise the money?

NAFTALI BENNETT, MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND MINISTER OF DIASPORA AFFAIRS, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

It will not happen, believe me. There is no need for Plan B.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Bennett, you said that your plan is more realistic than the current talk of a two-state solution, because the failure of the diplomatic process has shown that there is no deal to be made, and that the most an Israeli government is willing to offer does not meet the Palestinians’ minimal requirements.

Frankly speaking, you are the first Israeli official, the first Israeli senior member of the government, who doesn’t condemn the Palestinians as peace-refusers, and admits that there is an objective gap between the Israeli maximum offer and the Palestinian minimal requirements.

I mostly appreciate your honesty and sincerity, but we came here to bury that gap, not to praise it, and what you suggest is to perpetuate it.

Mr. Levin, I have some questions to you, too.

YARIV LEVIN, MINISTER OF TOURISM, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

You may ask, and I will gladly answer.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Your colleague, Mr. Bennett, has a “Marshall Plan”, that involves a “massive economic investment in the infrastructure in the West Bank”.

You, on the other hand, you say that “the whole system that contributes money to the Palestinians, causes the money to be thrown into the sea”.

Mr. Bennet says that you have no “Plan B”.

Mr. Netanyahu says, and I quote: “In the current constellation I prefer the two-state solution, and I don’t see any change in my mind in the foreseeable future”, unquote, and, I quote, “If you ask five Israelis what the two states would look like, you’d get 12 different answers”, unquote.

How can we negotiate peace between the Jews and the Arabs, as long as there is no peace between the Jews and themselves?

YARIV LEVIN, MINISTER OF TOURISM, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I don’t speak about peace. As I said few minutes ago, we Israelis have no partner on your side, because you Palestinians do not want peace, and your way is a path of lies, deceit and encouragement of terror.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Let me read to you the last resolution of our Barlaman …

YARIV LEVIN, MINISTER OF TOURISM, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I know this resolution.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

But the reporters here don’t know it. The Barlaman decided:

First: To recognize the Jewish State of Israel in any boundary that will be agreed upon in a final comprehensive peace agreement.

Second: In any comprehensive peace agreement, the Palestinian National Authority agrees that Israel will retain the overriding security control over the entire area west of the Jordan River.

Third: Upon signing of any comprehensive peace agreement, the Palestinian National Authority will gladly welcome the moving of the American embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

Isn’t it enough, Mr. Levin?

YARIV LEVIN, MINISTER OF TOURISM, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

No, Mr. Abbas, it is not enough, and will never be enough.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. Levin, correct me if I’m wrong, but, according to the Talmud, be’makom bo ba’aley t’shuva omdim, gam tsaddikim g’murim lo ya’amodu.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What did he say?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. President, I’ll translate it to you. “in the place where penitents stand, even the completely righteous cannot stand”

YARIV LEVIN, MINISTER OF TOURISM, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

It applies to Jews only.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

You see, Mr. President?

If your daughter, Ivanka, or your son-in-law, Jared, says “I’m sorry, I shall not do it again”, it is accepted, but if you repent – it won’t help you.

The Israelis say “Aravi nish’ar Aravi” – an Arab remains an Arab – and they blame us Palestinians for “not being a partner” to make peace with.

I have no further questions, I rest my case.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

So, how do we get along?

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Bibi Netanyahu, you asked a time extension for your peace plan, for bridging the gap between the Israelis and the Palestinians, but I don’t even see you bridging the gap between the Israelis and themselves.

Yesterday you asked “another one month, and then we’ll see”. Hearing your colleagues, what do you ask now?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Frankly speaking, Abu-Mazen, I fear I can’t submit any offer before the next elections in Israel, scheduled to take place in October 2019.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

And then?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Then we’ll see what happens.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I have to consult my colleagues at home. Give me a five minute break.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

You have it, but don’t stay away too long. We are hungry.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

With me it’s fine, I brought sandwiches from home.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Unfortunately, Melania is in New York now, and I have no one who will prepare for me sandwiches from home. Mahmoud, take your break.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I see you have a new TV. Did the Congress change its mind? Did they raise the debt ceiling?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

No, they didn’t. They took Nixon’s disused black-and-white to Antiques Roadshow, and found that for that historic clunker they can get a brand-new TV, and with the change they can send another 100,000 troops to Afghanistan for ten years – all this without raising the debt ceiling even by one penny.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

It’s interesting … does it block fake news? (leaves the room).

Scene II

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Why did he ask about the new TV?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It seems that he prepares another fake news for us.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I don’t think so. He wants to make sure that Bibi won’t ridicule him again.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Jared, shall we turn it on?

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I think so, and until he comes back we can see another episode of The Simpsons.

Scene III

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I see you’ve already turned the TV on. Now choose any station you like, for the breaking news.

REX WAYNE TILLERSON, SECRETARY OF STATE, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

(Storming in) I apologize, I got stuck in traffic.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

It’s okay, Mr. Tillerson. Your predecessor, Mr. Kerry, also used to use this excuse, and we also do it, when possible.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

It’s okay, Mr. Tillerson. We have not yet announced the Middle-East peace treaty. Take your time. You may have some good coffee, too.

REX WAYNE TILLERSON, SECRETARY OF STATE, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

What is “Middle-East”? What is “peace”? What is “treaty”?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I’ll tell you later.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

I’ll tell you later.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Put on PBS.

TV:

This is PBS, breaking news. The parliament of the Palestinian National Authority has right now decided:

First, to accept the resignation of President Mahmoud Abbas, effective immediately;

Second, to dismantle the Palestinian Authority and itself, effective immediately;

Third, this resolution does not bind the Hamas government in the Gaza Strip, which is now free to act as it may think fit.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Fake news. Gwen Ifill is dead.

JARED COREY KUSHNER, SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Donald, this is Judy Woodruff, not Gwen.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Judy, Gwen, it’s fake news.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

We can try CNN, maybe Anderson Cooper is also dead.

TV:

This is CNN, breaking news. The parliament of the Palestinian National Authority has right now decided:

First, to accept the resignation of President Mahmoud Abbas, effective immediately;

Second, to dismantle the Palestinian Authority and itself, effective immediately;

Third, this resolution does not bind the Hamas government in the Gaza Strip, which is now free to act as it may think fit.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

Anderson is alive, but it is fake news. Believe me.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Shall we put on Fox News?

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

It doesn’t matter, all the media are the same. I’m going to issue an executive order to stop fake news, and make the media responsible.

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Mr. President, you may call your ambassador in Tel-Aviv, Mr. David Melech Friedman, to verify this news.

DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

(dials) David? It’s Donald. Did you hear the breaking news? You got it by email? Do you trust it? Not fake news? OK, forward it to me, I’m waiting.

Gentlemen, it’s true. Bibi, what do you say now?

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

I know them. It’s true, but it’s just for the show. They try to unduly influence the legitimate institutions of the sovereign State of Israel!

MAHMOUD ABBAS, PRESIDENT, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY:

Ladies and gentlemen, excuse me now. I’ve enjoyed very much working with all of you, but I am now a private citizen, the Palestinian Authority doesn’t exist any longer. If someone commits suicide, it may be “just for the show”, but it is irreversible, and even if I want to recall my resignation – and I don’t want to – there exists no one who can accept my recall.

Thank you all. Thank you, Donald Trump, thank you, Rex Tillerson, thank you Ivanka and Jared, thank you Kellyanne Spicer, thank you Sean Conway. By the way, there is another Sean Conway, an attorney in Fort Lauderdale, South Florida, who was disciplined for criticizing Judge Cheryl Aleman, referring to her as an “evil, unfair witch”, et cetera. Maybe he is a relative of yours.

Bibi Netanyahu, Naftali Bennet, Yariv Levin, you can now expand your settlements as much as you like, build as much as you like, wherever you like, and make peace with Ismail Haniyeh.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER, THE STATE OF ISRAEL:

Rega, Mahmoud, rega!!! (faints).

End

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